He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
