the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Sorry about my life...
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize