Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Randomize
