i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
