i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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