i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
