Three words: puerto rican gang bang
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
