Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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