I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Every concussion has its silver lining
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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