I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
