I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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