Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
