omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
