I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
