i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize