if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
