I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
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