um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
