i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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