Christians are straight up FREAKS
I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
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