I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
