Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
