I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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