you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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