Got a toothbrush?
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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