I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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