Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
