party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
