yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Please, let me fuck your mom
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
