So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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