I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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