We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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