woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I've blown a few things in my day
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
