Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
