brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
