I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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