hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
