I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
