I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
