went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
