my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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