Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
