True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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