Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
