i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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