All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
