I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
