I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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