Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
We had to coat check the pizza.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
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