spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
