My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
