i used baking grease as lip gloss
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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