Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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