His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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