I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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