Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
