Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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