u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
The best revenge is premature balding
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
