Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Randomize
