I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
