That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Randomize
