i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
