The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
