My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
