Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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