i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
my shit smells like andre
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
