its not stalking. its research.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
