Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
