At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
whose ass print is on the piano?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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