craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
