Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
