Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize