I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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