i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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