Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
