Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
